In 2009 I was diagnosed with Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar 1 disorder. I was put on a large drug regime to try and control the disorder. For years I just knew something was wrong and finally decided to seek out some answers. The disorder caused me to make some financial and life style decisions over the years that affected my health, my marriage and social life in a negative way.
In April 2011, I lost my job. In May of the same year I attempted to take my life, at the time it felt like the right thing to do and the only way out. It was only the quick thinking of the staff at the venue where I made the attempt that saved my life. They knew it was out of character for me to be there at that particular time, without my wife and to what appeared to be in a highly intoxicated state. My last recollection was 10.30 am on that Tuesday. My next memory was 5.30 am the next day when I woke up in hospital. I spent all day and most of the evening in what I call “lock up”, I was not allowed visitors and I was not allowed to leave. I was under constant surveillance and monitoring until I was able to satisfy the doctors I was okay. The doctors then allowed me to see my wife and I was allowed home. I still can’t remember much of those two days.
Every day I think back to that day and the time I lost, the pain and suffering I caused my family and friends, especially my wife.
Since then life has taken a dramatic turn for the best, my financial situation has turned around, I have a support network of family, friends and medical professionals and now I can recognize the signs of my disease and take action to ward of the severe depression that caused me to attempt suicide.
There is hope, there is love, there is light out of the darkness. If money is the only problem then it isn’t a problem. There are always ways to turn the most dire situations around. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, don’t feel ashamed to admit there’s a problem. If you think your head is not in the right place then reach out and talk, just talk and you will start to find a solution to your problems. Death is final, I have lost two days of my life...only two days, don’t end all your days, talk to someone and eventually the light will shine.