Nathida:
[00:00:00] Knowing that, okay, there is somebody that I can talk to, and yes, they are a stranger, but at least I can talk to somebody, was really helpful.

Narrator:
[00:00:08] Welcome to Holding On To Hope, a series that shares the stories of everyday Australians that have experienced moments in crisis and found a path to support.
[00:00:18] Whilst all of the stories shared offer hope and inspiration, at times you may hear something you find triggering.
[00:00:24] If you or someone you know needs crisis support, please phone Lifeline on 13 11 14.
[00:00:30] Text 0477 13 11 14 or visit lifeline.org.au for Lifeline chat service, which is 24/7.

Host (Carla):
[00:00:40] Hi, I'm Carla, and welcome to this episode of Holding On To Hope.
[00:00:45] From a young age, Nathida struggled to find where she belonged.
[00:00:49] Moving to Australia from Thailand as a child, she faced cultural challenges and, without knowing she was autistic, felt isolated and misunderstood.
[00:00:58] With mental health a taboo topic in her culture, Nathida battled suicidal thoughts alone until she reached out to Lifeline.
[00:01:06] That call became a turning point, offering her the support she needed.
[00:01:10] Nathida is also part of the Inside Our Minds project.
[00:01:14] Each year, this initiative works with young people from traditionally underrepresented communities.
[00:01:19] In 2024, the project spotlighted seven courageous young people navigating mental health challenges and disability, and Nathida's story is one of them.
[00:01:29] Now diagnosed and better supported, Nathida manages her mental health with self-care, a strong support network, and she's here to share her journey from struggle to hope.
[00:01:41] So thanks so much for joining us, Nathida, and being part of this Holding On To Hope series.
[00:01:47] It's so good to have you here.

Nathida:
[00:01:48] Thank you for having me.
[00:01:50] This is a great opportunity.

Host (Carla):
[00:01:51] We really want to showcase lots of people's different stories, and I think your story has some really interesting and important elements to showcase.
[00:02:00] So I wanted to start off by asking you if you wanted to share what it was like growing up between two cultures and how that shaped your sense of identity.

Nathida:
[00:02:10] Navigating two cultures while still forming my own sense of identity and also forming my social relationships was quite difficult because I was always in a state of confusion.
[00:02:26] Which culture am I?
[00:02:29] Was I Australian or was I Thai?
[00:02:31] Because I didn't neatly fit into either.
[00:02:35] Whenever I would hang out with my friends at school, they would say, oh, yes, but you are Thai, and I was never really fully Australian.
[00:02:45] But when I would go back to Thailand, my family would refer to me as Australian because I wasn't growing up in Thailand and my Thai has a little bit of an accent.
[00:02:56] So it was definitely really confusing, but also as I grew older, I learned to appreciate both, and I learned to incorporate the strengths of both.
[00:03:09] and it's an advantage really to have two cultures in your identity because it helps you to see things from a wider perspective.

Host (Carla):
[00:03:20] And, of course, there's other elements of your identity as well.
[00:03:24] You've had an autism diagnosis not too long ago.
[00:03:27] Yes.
[00:03:28] So I wanted to ask before that diagnosis, how did that feeling of difference impact your mental health?

Nathida:
[00:03:35] I think the impact that being undiagnosed had on my mental health was quite detrimental in my developing years because I always felt like I didn't belong.
[00:03:50] And at first, I just thought it's because, like, I am from overseas.
[00:03:56] I wasn't born in Australia.
[00:03:57] I look a little bit different.
[00:03:59] But putting all of that aside, I just knew somewhere deep down that I was a little bit different, like the way I functioned, the way I thought was a little bit different.
[00:04:11] The way I dealt with things was a little bit different.
[00:04:14] So I ended up being like a chameleon and I was really confused as to who I really was.
[00:04:22] So I didn't develop a very strong sense of self until way later.
[00:04:28] I was making social mistakes that I didn't understand were mistakes.
[00:04:34] So my friends or those people that I was trying to fit in with would kind of ostracize me because I'd done something and I didn't know what it was.
[00:04:44] So I couldn't really fix it.
[00:04:46] Growing up, I felt really lonely and really misunderstood.

Host (Carla):
[00:04:51] You speak to about some dark moments, some really tough times in your life.
[00:04:56] What were they like and how did you cope with them?

Nathida:
[00:04:59] I don't think I coped very well with them.
[00:05:02] Those dark moments definitely made me feel like I was alone, even when I was in a crowded room, even when I was at school surrounded by people.
[00:05:13] I felt like I was invisible and I felt like I couldn't really speak up about what I was going through, especially at home as well.
[00:05:24] If I'd shown any signs of low moods, I would be told that I was being ungrateful and that I had it so good compared to kids in Thailand that, I should be more appreciative.
[00:05:37] I should be happy.
[00:05:39] So I felt like I didn't have the right to be feeling what I was feeling and I kind of just suppressed my feelings really and didn't really cope with it.
[00:05:50] Didn't really acknowledge what I was feeling, trying to brush it under the rug.

Host (Carla):
[00:05:54] You made the decision to call Lifeline to talk through those things.
[00:06:00] What was that experience like for you and how did you find Lifeline?

Nathida:
[00:06:03] So I decided to call Lifeline when I was really, really hopeless.
[00:06:09] I just really needed to let it out, let what I was feeling out, let somebody know what I was feeling instead of just keeping it bottled up inside.
[00:06:21] So having somebody there to listen to me was really good in the sense that it made me feel like I was valid in what I was feeling, and I was.
[00:06:30] And it also grounded me as well because I was just up in my head at that time and I didn't have a sense of reality with how much I was ruminating.
[00:06:43] Yeah.
[00:06:44] So having that person on the other side was really great for bringing me back down.

Host (Carla):
[00:06:49] It sounds like that that conversation was helpful in reframing some of your perspectives on your experience.
[00:06:56] Do you want to talk a little bit more about that?

Nathida:
[00:06:58] It was helpful for me to kind of see things in a way that I was not the centre of it.
[00:07:08] So decentreing myself, not only as a young person, but as a person who is prone to the overthinking, is prone to just getting lost in my own thoughts and spiraling, I tended to just focus on what was going wrong with me, i.e. 'I'm not doing this, I'm feeling this'.
[00:07:36] And having somebody else to kind of draw me out of that whirlwind of thoughts was really helpful.
[00:07:47] And just reminded me that it's not as big as I am making it out to be.
[00:07:56] Like my feelings are totally valid and what I'm going through is serious, but there is a whole world outside of my thoughts.

Host (Carla):
[00:08:06] What might have helped you find a pathway earlier?

Nathida:
[00:08:12] I think probably if somebody had reached out.
[00:08:16] I guess nobody really noticed that I wasn't in the greatest mental state.
[00:08:25] And all my teachers were still seeing this girl that just pays attention in class.
[00:08:33] Sometimes she loses focus, but then she comes back on track.
[00:08:37] So there was, I don't think any alarm bells going on for them.
[00:08:41] And with my friends as well, I was, I was pretty good at going to school and we'd laugh together.
[00:08:48] We do our regular things, but then I'd go home and I'd feel drained.
[00:08:52] I feel like nobody really knew how I was feeling.
[00:08:56] So I think maybe if somebody had just asked me like, 'Hey, how are you doing?'
[00:09:01] Or if my teachers had come up and instead of saying they were disappointed that my grades were slipping, instead of saying that maybe if they'd said 'I noticed that you're skipping a couple of days of school, or I noticed that you didn't do as well in your tests as you normally do.'
[00:09:20] 'Like, what's going on?' that could have helped me to feel more comfortable in reaching out for their help.

Host (Carla):
[00:09:27] I guess when no one's asking you, 'are you okay?'
[00:09:30] It's sending the signal that, well, no one sees anything different.
[00:09:34] It must be me. It's all me.

Nathida:
[00:09:36] Yeah.

Host (Carla):
[00:09:37] That sense of isolation growing, making it harder to reach out.
[00:09:41] And layering onto that is receiving a diagnosis of autism at 23.
[00:09:48] What did that mean for you?
[00:09:50] How did it change your approach to mental health and looking after yourself?

Nathida:
[00:09:55] Receiving the diagnosis felt like a big burden had been lifted off my shoulders because I finally had an explanation as to why I felt so different and why I found it so hard to fit in.
[00:10:14] And it helps me to kind of gain an understanding of the things that would work for me and why traditional methods of coping might not work for me.
[00:10:32] So after having that diagnosis, I was able to receive the proper support and appropriate support that I needed from my psychologist.
[00:10:43] Cause now he knew that I was definitely not responding to previous treatment because I needed something else.
[00:10:55] And I was able to get accommodations at uni because I had that on paper.

Host (Carla):
[00:11:01] Yeah.

Nathida:
[00:11:02] Yeah. So it was, it was really great.

Host (Carla):
[00:11:04] So what, what does work for you?
[00:11:05] What are your strategies to, to keep on top of your feelings and thoughts?

Nathida:
[00:11:10] Emotional regulation has been something that I'm still learning.
[00:11:15] It was very hard for me up until very recently to identify what I was feeling.
[00:11:21] And when you can't identify what you're feeling, you can't manage it.
[00:11:25] What has been really helpful with working with my OT and with my psych was just sitting in the feeling and trying to identify what I was feeling.
[00:11:38] And then you can branch off from there.
[00:11:41] If I was feeling, under stimulated and therefore lethargic, what can I do to increase that external stimuli so that I can get my energy up?
[00:11:53] Or if I was feeling really anxious and jittery, I'd try to think, okay, what might be contributing to me feeling this way?
[00:12:03] And if it's something external, like I have that presentation that I have to do, then I would do mindfulness activities to manage that or like visualization to kind of prepare myself for that.
[00:12:20] Whereas if it's something internal, like I'm overthinking something, then I would stop what I was doing and get out my coloring book and just take my mind off it.
[00:12:30] So, yeah, it really helps to be able to identify, be aware of what you're feeling.

Host (Carla):
[00:12:36] You talked about a really clear approach to managing your mental health right now.
[00:12:42] Was it always like that?
[00:12:44] How did you get there?
[00:12:45] Were there some trial and error in this?
[00:12:48] How did you find what works for you?

Nathida:
[00:12:50] I was not always like that.
[00:12:52] And to be completely honest, I still am learning.
[00:12:57] I don't always go straight to my self-care strategies when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
[00:13:04] There are still times where if I'm feeling overwhelmed or I'm feeling a little bit down, I go straight to doom scrolling.
[00:13:13] So it does definitely take a lot of conscious practice.
[00:13:19] Definitely reaching out to healthcare professionals has also helped me,
[00:13:25] and it was very inaccessible at first with the costs, the wait times.
[00:13:31] So having the initial appointment to really tell them this is what I'm experiencing,
[00:13:39] and then they come back and they say, 'try this' and this was helpful in kind of widening my self-care strategies.
[00:13:54] And not every strategy worked like they recommended meditation and I just, I can't sit still for longer than a minute.
[00:14:03] So that didn't work for me.
[00:14:05] And I felt I was getting frustrated at myself for not being able to do that.
[00:14:10] So I think there's definitely going to be strategies that just don't work for you, but it's all about trying new things.
[00:14:19] I gave meditation a go and I found it didn't work.
[00:14:23] Or I gave yoga a go and I found that I do like yoga, but it didn't really help me in calming down.
[00:14:31] Yeah. So definitely a lot of trial and error.
[00:14:34] You have to kind of give everything a go and see what you like and see what makes you feel a little better.
[00:14:43] And I think something that would help you trial and error kind of effectively, something that I did anyway, was writing down like before the strategy, how I was feeling.
[00:14:58] And then I would try my whatever strategy I was going to try, whether it's coloring, whether it's meditation, breath work, whatever it is.
[00:15:08] And then after that activity, I would write down again, like how I found it.
[00:15:14] So then I'd have something to kind of reflect on.
[00:15:18] And also if I wanted to take it to my psych or my OT, say I gave this a go and this is how it went.
[00:15:26] I could also get external advice.
[00:15:28] So, yeah, I think having something concrete to look back on was really helpful.

Narrator:
[00:15:33] We hope you're enjoying this episode.
[00:15:37] Lifeline's new Support Toolkit makes it easier to care for family, friends and loved ones and look after yourself along the way.
[00:15:45] Visit us at toolkit.lifeline.org.au.
[00:15:48] Now back to the episode.

Host (Carla):
[00:15:50] What about the power of connection and finding like minded people?
[00:15:56] What's that meant for you?

Nathida:
[00:15:58] I think it's the most vital thing to thriving and to being able to enjoy your life.
[00:16:08] Connection, I think, has been a pivotal point for me in not only improving my quality of life, but also helping me to gain the courage to speak up about what I was feeling.
[00:16:26] And letting go of the feeling of shame.
[00:16:28] I used to associate my mental health episodes with shame.
[00:16:39] Like 'I shouldn't be feeling like this, I'm being ungrateful.'
[00:16:43] But finding people who are going through similar experiences, who really know what it feels like to be in your shoes really helps you to kind of put into perspective that I'm not being ungrateful.
[00:16:59] I'm valid in my feelings.
[00:17:02] There are so many other people feeling the same things.
[00:17:04] And it also, I think, helps to give you hope because when other people are thriving and they've been through the same things as you, it gives you hope that you can also be thriving.

Host (Carla):
[00:17:19] Being an advocate sounds like it's part of the way that you're managing aspects of your experience, too.
[00:17:25] Do you want to say a bit more about that?

Nathida:
[00:17:26] Yeah, definitely.
[00:17:28] I think the most important thing that I have come to realise is that I have my experiences and I can either choose to just keep it to myself and that's fine.
[00:17:46] But if I were to share it with people, if I were to use it to bring awareness, then other people can benefit from it.
[00:17:55] And I think that is what led me to be so strong in my advocacy is that at the end of the day, I really, really want to give people that sense of hope that I also gained from hearing other people's stories.
[00:18:14] And also let people know that they're not alone because I felt so alone when I was younger going through mental health challenges and that was a horrible feeling.
[00:18:29] So if I could do anything to kind of just help people to not feel like that, that would be amazing.

Host (Carla):
[00:18:37] What are the top self-care practices that help you stay grounded?

Nathida:
[00:18:42] My number one self-care practice is taking a break and saying no is really important because I am somewhat of a people pleaser.
[00:18:57] So if my friends want to call me because they want someone to talk to, I won't say no, even though I hate phone calls.
[00:19:06] So I think learning to put into practice the act of saying no and being okay with.
[00:19:16] I guess that feeling of uncomfortableness.
[00:19:21] I don't know if that's a word.

Host (Carla):
[00:19:23] Sounds like a great word to me.

Nathida:
[00:19:25] In saying no and coming to terms with the fact that your friends will be okay with you saying no.
[00:19:33] It's not a big deal to say no, I think has been the most important and a very key part in reserving my energy.
[00:19:42] Once I have that energy, I can then think of how to take care of myself.
[00:19:48] That leads me to the next step, which is finding out what works for you.
[00:19:54] Like for me with autism, a lot of my overwhelming feelings are coming from stimulation, like being overstimulated or being understimulated.
[00:20:08] So being able to find out when it is that I'm feeling overstimulated and then dealing with that accordingly.
[00:20:17] So if I'm getting too many sensory inputs, you know, putting on my headphones and just chilling out, going into my room and just lighting a candle.
[00:20:28] And the third thing I think is just mindfulness activities.
[00:20:35] So like I mentioned earlier, I have a coloring book that I really like.
[00:20:39] Sometimes I build Legos.
[00:20:41] Sometimes I would just, you know, sit and watch.
[00:20:48] Like if I'm outside, I'll people watch.

Host (Carla):
[00:20:51] That sounds really creepy, but it's a great pastime.
[00:20:55] Yeah, it is.

Nathida:
[00:20:56] It is so is.
[00:20:57] And it kind of just takes you out of your own head for a second because you're like with coloring.
[00:21:05] I'm focusing on the activity or like with building Legos.
[00:21:10] I'm focusing on the activity with people watching.
[00:21:12] I'm not thinking about myself.
[00:21:14] I'm thinking about those people.
[00:21:16] So, yeah, anything that kind of gets you to pause your thoughts for a second, I think is really helpful.

Host (Carla):
[00:21:25] So I wanted to ask you what what message you'd like to share with people who are listening, who themselves might be struggling, feeling isolated, struggling with their mental health.
[00:21:36] What would you like to say to them?

Nathida:
[00:21:38] What I would want to say, and this is what I would have wanted to hear as well when I was younger, is no matter how alone you're feeling, you're not alone.
[00:21:49] Maybe in that instance, you aren't surrounded by people, you feel like you have nobody to turn to.
[00:21:58] But in my experience, you will find your group, you will find people who care about you.
[00:22:05] And there is always somebody you can reach out to like Lifeline that will be there to immediately comfort you and help you to pause your thoughts that are spiraling.

Host (Carla):
[00:22:18] What's next for you?
[00:22:19] What's on your plate?

Nathida:
[00:22:20] Well, I definitely want to finish off my degree.
[00:22:23] I am doing a bachelor's in psychology at the moment.
[00:22:28] So I am thinking of going into research.
[00:22:33] I'm not sure yet which area, but that's the avenue that I want to make my impact.
[00:22:40] Researching about possibly autism to diversify our understanding of it, because our current understanding is very limited.
[00:22:52] But in the meantime, like while I'm finishing my degree, I'm still kind of looking for opportunities to continue sharing my story, continue speaking up about my experiences so that others can feel heard and feel seen.
[00:23:10] I've been doing a couple of radio appearances.
[00:23:14] One of my friends, he has a show on a community radio station.
[00:23:19] So being able to speak through that avenue, finding new ways to kind of get involved at a more kind of legislative and government level so that I'm really able to put forward the kind of experiences and concerns that, not only I'm experiencing, but others are experiencing, on the big table.

Host (Carla):
[00:23:49] I mean, that's such a fantastic vision.
[00:23:52] You know, you're talking about advocacy at an individual level when you're talking to other people, in healthcare, during your appointments, through research, and at the highest levels of legislation and government.
[00:24:04] That's a big mission, and I'm sure we all wish you the best of luck.
[00:24:11] You've been such an amazing guest today, and there's a big, big world out there for you to conquer.

Nathida:
[00:24:18] Thank you so much.

Narrator:
[00:24:19] Thanks for listening to Holding On To Hope, the podcast.
[00:24:23] Lifeline is grateful to all Holding On To Hope participants for choosing to share their personal lived experiences openly and courageously in order to offer hope and inspiration to others.
[00:24:34] Your act of kindness makes for a better world.
[00:24:37] And remember, you can call Lifeline at any time on 13 11 14.