Recognising and labelling how you’re feeling turns BIG emotions into small emotions. It reduces their power and intensity. This is because it disrupts the part of your brain that’s causing the strong feelings, and engages the thinking brain that allows you to step back and observe the feeling, without being consumed by it.

Studies have shown that simply saying “I feel bad” (or sad, lonely, anxious or whatever else you’re feeling) immediately results in the amygdala (the part of the brain that registers danger) becoming less active and less likely to trigger a stress response.

‘Name it to tame it’, is a shortcut to putting the brakes on negative thoughts and feelings, and taking the emotional steering while back into your own hands.

Getting into the habit of journaling your thoughts and feelings will mean you get better at recognising and naming how you’re feeling, as you’re feeling it. This gives you the power to start spotting patterns between what’s happening, and how it makes you feel, and develop better insight into why.

For example, imagine you’ve been feeling more stressed and anxious than usual lately, but you’re not sure why. You start to pay closer attention to your emotions and notice every time you start getting ready for work, you feel anxious and irritable.

You might start to wonder why getting ready for work makes you feel that way, and realise that your boss has been micromanaging you and criticising your work more frequently.

By identifying the connection between your emotions and the work situation, you’re able to take steps to address the issue - perhaps by talking to your boss or finding ways to cope with the stress at work.

Understanding why you’re feeling more stressed than usual lately can also help you avoid the uncertainty that can mean getting worried or frustrated about getting stressed.

Capturing your thoughts and feelings and being able to put words to how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking can improve your relationships in a number of ways. It:

• Reduces misunderstanding: When you’re able to describe what you’re feeling, you’re better able to communicate your needs and desires to other people. You’re less likely to be misunderstood or misinterpreted.
• Promotes empathy and understanding: Other people are likely to be more empathetic and understanding of how you’re feeling, and what you need, when you’re able to clearly communicate what you’re feeling, and why.
• Builds trust: over time, being able to share how you’re both feeling, means you know the other person better, and are more likely to trust each other.
• Reduces conflict: a lot of conflict arises because we don’t properly understand what’s going on for the other person, why they did something, or hold a certain opinion. Communicating our thoughts and feelings helps people understand where we’re coming from, so we can be more empathetic and understanding. Also, feeling like we’re not expressing ourselves well is like adding fuel to the conflict fire - making it more likely arguments will spiral or erupt.

For example, imagine Sarah and Alex have been arguing more lately, and they’re not sure why. Sarah has been feeling frustrated and angry, while Alex has been feeling defensive and misunderstood.

They decide to have a conversation about their feelings, and Sarah starts by saying, "When you interrupt me during our conversations, I feel frustrated and like you're not really listening to me."

Alex replies by saying, "Ok, I see, and when you get frustrated, I feel like you're attacking me and not giving me a chance to explain myself."

By identifying and naming their emotions, Sarah and Alex are able to have a more helpful conversation about how they’ve been feeling. Instead of simply reacting to each other's behaviour, they're able to understand how their actions are affecting the other person and work towards finding a solution that meets both of their needs.

• What am I feeling right now? Can I name the emotions I'm experiencing?
• What are the physical sensations I'm experiencing in my body right now?
• What are the thoughts or beliefs that are driving these emotions?
• What evidence do I have to support these thoughts or beliefs?
• What evidence do I have against them?
• What would my best friend or biggest supporter tell me right now?
• What can I do to ground myself and feel more centered in this moment?
• When have I felt this way before?
• What coping strategies have worked for me in the past? Can I try one of them now?

• What am I feeling right now? Can I name the emotions I'm experiencing?
• What are the physical sensations I'm experiencing in my body right now?
• What are the thoughts or beliefs that are driving these emotions?
• What evidence do I have to support these thoughts or beliefs?
• What evidence do I have against them?
• What would my best friend or biggest supporter tell me right now?
• What can I do to improve how I’m feeling at the moment?
• When have I felt this way before?
• What coping strategies have worked for me in the past? Can I try one of them now?

• What am I feeling right now? Can I name the emotions I'm experiencing?
• What are the physical sensations I'm experiencing in my body right now?
• What are the thoughts or beliefs that are driving these emotions?
• What do I really want to communicate to the other person? What's the most important message I want to convey?
• What assumptions am I making about the other person's behaviour or intentions? What do I really know to be objectively true?
• What are my boundaries and values in this situation? Are they being respected? If not, how can I communicate this to the other person?
• What is the other person's perspective? Can I see the situation from their point of view?
• What can I do to move towards a more constructive resolution? What actions can I take to work towards a positive outcome?