20 minutes
We experience anger when our minds and bodies react to things, people, and situations we find threatening, frustrating, or unfair.
When recognised, listened to, and expressed in healthy ways, anger can play an important role in keeping us safe and can help motivate us towards positive change. For example, anger might be telling us:
Even though anger is a natural and helpful emotional response that most of us experience from time to time, not recognising or knowing how to manage it can lead to relationship problems, aggressive behaviour, and other potential negative consequences.
If you’re here because you or someone you care about is struggling with anger, you’re not alone. Anger is something a lot of us need help with. It can be uncomfortable or distressing to feel angry, especially if it’s happening more frequently or starting to feel out of your control.
In this support guide, you’ll learn about some of the common reasons we can feel angry, the differences between healthy and unhealthy anger, signs anger is becoming a problem, as well as practical strategies, tools and apps, and support services to help you recognise and manage anger.
Scroll down to learn more.
Understanding why you might be feeling angry is an important step toward learning how to recognise and manage it.
Sometimes, it’s obvious why we feel angry: An event didn’t go to plan, someone we care about has been treated unfairly, or we’re overwhelmed by ongoing challenges.
Other times, pinpointing why we’re suddenly irritated or filled with rage can be more complex.
Here are some of the common reasons we might get angry:
Keep in mind that this is not an exhaustive list and it’s okay if you don’t always know what’s causing you to feel angry.
Anger can often be like only seeing the tip of an iceberg - what you see on the surface is only part of the story. Beneath the visible anger, there may be deeper emotions like hurt, fear, or frustration.
Understanding and addressing these underlying feelings is key to managing anger in healthy ways.
Anger can look and feel really different for everyone. For example, when a child is angry, they might scream, cry, and refuse to get in a car, while an adult might withdraw from friends, have frequent headaches, and struggle with sleep.
Understanding how it feels when you’re angry is a powerful first step towards learning how to manage it. Below, you can read about some of the common ways anger can affect your body, mind, emotions, and behaviour.
When you’re angry, you might notice feelings in your body like:
Help is available.
Not getting enough sleep can leave you feeling overwhelmed, distressed, and alone. If you’re struggling to cope and would like support, you can:
You can learn more about the importance of sleep and mental health by clicking here.
Along with physical sensations, it’s common to experience a wide range of different thoughts, feelings, and emotions when you’re angry.
When you’re angry, you might feel:
Ultimately, the way you react and act when you're angry depends on how you’ve learned to cope with difficult feelings. The good news is - it’s always possible to change your behaviour and learn new ways to cope.
Now, let’s look at some of the ways to recognise anger in your behaviour.
Everyone has their own way of expressing anger, and it can show up differently for each person.
For some, anger might come out as:
Others may internalise their anger by:
Anger can also show up in more subtle ways, like:
The earlier you notice these signs, the more control you’ll have over how you respond. It’s not always easy, especially when the anger feels intense, but being aware can help you make choices that feel better for you in the long run.
A healthy response to anger doesn’t mean ignoring or pushing your feelings aside. It means choosing to acknowledge your feelings and emotions and then reacting in a positive and constructive way.
For example, healthy anger can help you:
An easy way to think of anger is like a pressure cooker. At some point, the pressure in a cooker needs to be released, or it will build up too much, leading to an explosion.
This is similar to how we might experience unhealthy outbursts or suppressed anger. Suppressing anger is like keeping the lid tightly sealed; you're holding in your emotions instead of letting them out in a safe, controlled way.
Unhealthy and suppressed anger can feel impossible to control and can lead to:
Anger affects everyone differently, but noticing the signs of too much or too little anger can help you understand your feelings and manage them better.
Anger and mental health are closely linked.
Sometimes, anger might be a sign of underlying mental health challenges or conditions. For example, the constant worry associated with anxiety can make you feel irritable, while unresolved experiences associated with past trauma might surface as anger.
Experiencing mental health challenges can also make it tougher to manage anger. For example, someone with depression may find it challenging to express their frustration in a healthy way, leading to feelings of helplessness or even rage.
It's important to recognise that just like anger, mental health challenges can show up differently in everyone. Some people, for instance, may express their struggles through anger, even if what's beneath the surface is actually sadness, fear, or frustration. They may appear angry but could be silently experiencing mental health challenges, or their unmanaged anger might be negatively impacting their wellbeing, often without them even realising it.
Anger can sometimes be a hidden sign of depression. While depression often shows up as sadness or hopelessness, men may be more likely to experience irritability, frustration, or anger due to societal expectations about expressing emotions.
If you're noticing persistent feelings of anger or irritability, it's important to know that you're not alone and help is available. Reaching out to someone you trust or a mental health professional can be a brave first step towards feeling better.
Acknowledging these feelings is a sign of strength, and seeking support can lead to a better, happier life.
Feeling angry from time to time is completely normal. However, anger isn’t just feeling upset. On top of it impacting your mental and physical health, anger has the potential to harm your relationships, reputation, career, and other life areas.
It’s important to understand these broader effects so you can gain awareness and take the steps necessary towards a healthier and happier life.
Signs your anger might be a problem:
Unmanaged anger can escalate into abusive or violent behaviour.
If you’re a man using abuse or violence in relationships and are here because you want to explore options for changing your behaviour, you can contact Men’s Referral Service (1300 766 491) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you think you might be or are at risk of experiencing domestic and family violence, you can call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Full Stop Australia (1800 385 578). If life is in danger, call 000.
Remember, recognising that anger is impacting your life in any way is a powerful first step. And no matter how difficult things might feel in your life right now, you are not alone and it can get better.
Continue reading to learn anger management strategies you can try right now or turn to in the future.
Managing anger can feel overwhelming, especially when it takes over in the heat of the moment. Having a set of simple, practical strategies can make a real difference, helping you to stay calm and regain control.
In this section, you can explore easy-to-use techniques that can be used both immediately and in the future, offering you support whenever those feelings of anger start to rise.
Keep in mind that everyone experiences anger differently, so what works for one person may not work for you, and that’s perfectly okay. The important thing is to keep trying different techniques until you find the ones that resonate with you.
If you’re experiencing symptoms such as racing thoughts, difficulty breathing, and a rapid heart rate, a grounding technique like box breathing is something you can use to regain a sense of control within minutes.
If you’d like to try box breathing now, click play on the video below.
Scroll down for more short and long-term techniques and strategies.
Putting space between your reaction and action can give you time to cool down, reflect on your emotions, and then choose a helpful action. (It can also prevent you from saying or doing something you might regret later.)
Alternatively, you can try slowly counting from 1 to 10. Even just this brief pause can give you time to think and decide how you want to respond rather than reacting impulsively.
Sometimes, anger can feel like it’s going to make us implode. Moving your body can be a helpful way to release built-up energy.
You can:
Grounding techniques like deep breathing, body scans, and the 5 senses technique can help you shift your focus to what’s happening right now and away from whatever is causing you to feel angry. They can be used anywhere, at any time, and without others knowing.
Click here to explore a wide range of techniques to try. Alternatively, you can try the 5 senses technique below.
The more positively you talk to yourself, the more positive you’ll feel about your ability to manage your anger.
Even if you don’t believe it at first, using affirmations like ‘I can take deep breaths until my anger dials down’ and ‘I have the power to choose how I respond’ can be really effective ways to put space between your reaction and action.
Keep in mind that self-esteem and mental health are closely linked. Click here to learn more about the importance of creating healthy self-esteem.
As powerful and overwhelming as they can feel, a thought really is just a thought, and you don’t have to believe it’s true.
Click here to learn more and to try a CBT-based thought challenging activity.
Processing your feelings and emotions before expressing how someone has upset you is a healthy way to manage anger. You can journal your thoughts and feelings in a notebook or notes app or talk to someone you trust about your experience.
When you’re ready to express yourself, try to:
Click here to learn more about having difficult conversations and building healthy relationships.
If you find that your anger surrounding a particular situation is lingering or causing you to ruminate or hyper-focus on what happened, try distracting yourself.
You can listen to music or a podcast, read a book, play a game on your phone, clean or organise your home, do a puzzle, or engage in a hobby that calms you.
Distraction is a form of self-care and is an important way we can take care of our mental health and wellbeing. Click here for more ideas of what you can do to practise it.
Sometimes, just sharing your thoughts can lighten the burden and provide perspective. This could be with a friend, family member, someone you trust, or a health professional.
If you’d like professional anger support, you can book an appointment with a GP to help you figure out next steps or work with you to create a Mental Health Treatment Plan.
Not sure what to say? Click here to read our article on talking to someone you trust.
Dealing with anger is something a lot of us struggle with and it isn’t something you have to deal with on your own.
There are a number of support services that can help, including Lifeline. You can connect with a crisis supporter 24 hours a day, 7 days a week via 13 11 14, text, and chat. If life is in danger, call 000.
Click here to learn what to expect when contacting Lifeline.
Managing anger for the long term goes beyond simply handling moments of frustration. It involves building a foundation of skills and habits that help you navigate life's challenges, address the underlying causes of anger, and respond in healthier ways.
Consider it more like training for a marathon rather than a sprint - it takes time, practise, and persistence.
Here are some strategies to support you on this ongoing journey:
By getting to know what makes you feel angry and planning how to handle it, you can feel more in control and less overwhelmed.
Click here to download MensLine's printable anger management worksheets.
Lowering your overall stress levels can make it easier to manage anger before it builds up.
By reducing stress and staying organised, you create a solid foundation for managing anger for the long term.
Click here to learn about getting started with mindfulness and meditation.
When you feel good about yourself and confident in your abilities, you’re less likely to feel threatened or overwhelmed by situations that might provoke anger.
Click here to learn more about the importance of self-esteem and mental health.
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When you're able to express yourself clearly and listen effectively, it becomes easier to manage anger and resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
Working on these communication skills can create healthier, more supportive conversations and help you manage anger before it escalates.
Click here to learn more about building healthy relationships.
Addressing the underlying causes of anger can help you find long-term solutions, reducing frustration and stress in the future.
Remember, anger is similar to an iceberg in that it’s often hard to see what’s actually below the surface. Taking time to dig deep and address underlying emotions is an important part of the journey.
Creative expression can be a powerful tool for processing anger in healthy ways, giving you new insights and outlets for your emotions.
By engaging in creative activities, you can find new ways to manage anger and connect with your emotions in a healthier, more insightful way. Click here to find prompts and tips for journaling your thoughts and feelings.
Taking care of your overall wellbeing plays a big role in managing anger in a healthy way. Self-care helps balance your physical, emotional, and mental health, making it easier to stay calm and in control.
Incorporating self-care into your routine can help reduce anger and create a strong foundation for long-term emotional resilience. Click here to learn more about self-care for mental health and wellbeing and ideas for getting started.
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Setting realistic goals can help you make progress without feeling overwhelmed or frustrated.
By setting achievable goals, you can make steady progress in managing your anger and feel more in control of your emotions.
Having a support network can make a huge difference in managing anger and staying grounded.
Surround yourself with friends, family, or peers who offer encouragement and a fresh perspective. Connecting with people who care about you can help you feel less isolated and more understood.
Click here to learn tips for building strong social connections.
Remember, if you need immediate support, Lifeline is always here for you. You can connect with a crisis supporter 24/7 via 13 11 14, text, and chat. If life is in danger, call 000.
You don't have to go through this alone.
Sometimes, managing anger on your own can feel overwhelming. Seeking professional help can provide the relief, guidance, and tools you need to get started and stay on track.
Reaching out for professional help can offer the support you need to navigate and manage your anger in healthy ways. Click here to read tips about finding the therapist that’s right for you.
Keep in mind that managing anger is a journey, not an overnight fix.
Setting realistic expectations can help you stay on track without feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. Don’t expect yourself to master anger management right away. Change takes time, and it’s okay to progress gradually.
It’s important to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you build long-term habits that help you manage your anger more effectively.
Below, you’ll find tools like online learning programs, forums, wellbeing apps, and podcast episodes that can help you understand and manage anger.
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Below, you’ll find support services that offer information, counselling, and referrals to local organisations in your area.
If you’re a man using abuse or violence in relationships and are here because you want to explore options for changing your behaviour, you can contact Men’s Referral Service (1300 766 491) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s free, confidential, and a positive first step.
Use the Lifeline Service Finder to search for more local and national services available to help support you.
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