Experiencing any of the following can put you at greater risk of feeling lonely:

• The loss of a loved one
• Going through a breakup, separation, or divorce
• Moving to a new place
• Retiring or leaving work
• Graduating from school or university
• Becoming a parent
• Experiencing trauma
• Moving out of home, or having your kids move out of home
• Switching jobs
• A significant medical diagnosis or event
• A psychotic episode.

When you experience something that changes your life in a big way, it’s normal to feel lonely for a period of time. Losing connections means losing friendships, support, community, security and routine.

However, this doesn’t mean that you’ll always feel lonely.

Loneliness is our body’s message to ourselves that we should look to develop new social connections.

"I lost touch with most of my friends after school. We used to see each other every day, but suddenly that, and all the events we had, just sort of stopped."

Your current life situation can also contribute to feelings of loneliness. Some circumstances that may cause you to feel lonely include:

• Being estranged from family
• Living alone
• Being a single parent
• Being a caretaker for someone else
• Having no or few friends
• Living with a disability
• Having a physical health condition
• Having an unfulfilling relationship with your partner
• Belonging to a minority group
• Experiencing discrimination due to gender, race, or sexual orientation.

"Walking home alone while my classmates jump on the bus together always reminds me how lonely I am"

Some mental health conditions can cause or increase feelings of loneliness and isolation, for example:

• Depression can make you feel lonely because you find it hard to communicate your experience, causing you to withdraw from others
• Social anxiety may cause loneliness because you avoid social situations
• If you have experienced abuse or neglect, you may experience loneliness because it can be hard to trust others, or it can be hard to communicate what you’ve been through.

What society values today is very different from what we valued in the past. For most of human history, our survival depended on belonging to a group (think being defended from wild animals and other tribes!) and so we developed the need for strong social ties.

This need is so fundamental to being human, it’s baked into our biology.

Yet much of our modern society now places greater value on self-sustainability, personal achievement, and individual expression. Our connection to culture, community, and family have become less valued than they used to be, which is a common reason many people feel lonely today.

The relationships we develop in childhood with our parents or carers have an impact on our relationships later on in life. If you grew up in a family where your emotions were ignored, dismissed, or minimised, your childhood may have felt quite lonely. Lonely children are more prone to feeling lonely as adults.

It can be difficult to connect with others on an emotional level if you didn’t see good examples of rewarding relationships growing up. Rewarding social connections are generally the ones where we feel completely comfortable being ourselves and can share what we’re going through, no matter how challenging.

That means being open and comfortable about emotions, which is a skill that takes practice, and which we usually learn from seeing other people do it well.

Feelings of loneliness can come out of the blue, often at times when it’s impractical to connect with a friend right there and then. Taking the time to schedule activities ahead of time is a good way to maintain social connections to actively prevent loneliness, as well as to have something to look forward to when you are feeling lonely.

Planning things in advance makes it more likely people will have time to hang out and connect too.

You might consider:

• Setting some time each week to deliberately think about who you’d like to connect with, and suggest some activities or a time to meet up in person
• When you’re feeling lonely, think about what you’d like to do, and with whom, and try and schedule it in with them.

If you spend a lot of time alone, it’s easy to start focusing on feelings and thoughts of loneliness, and get a little trapped in this cycle. Creating a plan to keep yourself engaged and occupied can help by:

• Redirecting your attention to things that create more positive emotions
• Remind you, or help you discover things that you can do on your own
• Boost your self-esteem and confidence through accomplishing things
• Depending on the activity, it can help you learn more, become physically healthier, clean or improve your environment, or other positive practical effects.

Here are some ideas for keeping your mind engaged:

• Read a book on a topic you’ve always wanted to know more about
• Listen to an inspiring podcast
• Take a short online course
• Do some gardening
• Cook a nutritious meal for yourself
• Be creative through art, writing, music or whatever tickles your fancy.

Loneliness is a negative emotion and like any negative emotion, if you focus on it, it can become all-consuming. When this happens, it can be hard to remember the positives you may be experiencing in your life. So, if you’re feeling lonely, practicing gratitude by acknowledging the positives in your life is one way you can feel better in the moment.

Practicing gratitude has consistently been shown to help people deal with adversity, improve their health, feel more positive, and build strong relationships.

At a time that works for you each day, write down at least three things you are grateful for in a notebook, or on the notes app on your phone. You might like to think about:

• Something that happened this week you’re grateful for
• Skills you have that you’re proud of
• The music, art, shows or books you’re glad were created
• Something positive that happened to you in childhood that you still remember today.

Practicing gratitude can help to keep your spirits up and help you stay hopeful as you work toward becoming less lonely.

The evidence for the effect of social media on loneliness is mixed. Studies have shown that social media can either cause or help prevent loneliness, depending on how you use it.

The first step is to reflect on how you feel when using social media. If you feel worse after scrolling through social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Tiktok, that’s a good indication that it might be time to make a change.

Using social media to connect with distant friends and share your passion for common interests can help you feel more connected. However, following people you don’t know and jumping quickly from one post to another, can just leave you feeling worse.

That’s because it’s natural for us to compare our own lives to what we’re seeing in our feed.

But social media usually shows us a selective, stylised version of the best bits of other people’s lives. That means we’re comparing apples with oranges, and we’re likely to feel bad about the mediocre or boring bits of our lives in comparison. The reality is other people also have boring bits, compare themselves to others, and sometimes feel lonely.

Here are some steps you might like to take to reduce the impact of social media on feelings of loneliness:

1. Carefully curate who you follow to prioritise friends, family and your hobbies/interests, rather than celebrities, strangers or random pages.
2. If you find yourself using social media too much, consider deleting the apps from your phone - they’ll still be there on your computer, or in a browser if needed, but not having the app can reduce your usage. Most phones will have ‘parental controls’ or other restriction tools that require a password to disable them. One tip is to give your password to a friend, or write it on some paper and leave it in a hard to reach place.
3. Try to keep social media out of the bedroom, and make some choices about when and where you will access it.
4. If needed, you can always temporarily disable (or permanently delete) your profile on social media.
5. Rather than looking up a friend’s profile online, give them a call or shoot them a message instead - you’ll feel much more connected by speaking to someone directly.

Some social media might do a better job of showing us a less stylised, curated version of our friend’s lives. For example, Be Real gives users just 2 minutes to post a picture of what they’re doing then and there, once per day.

When you’re feeling lonely, it’s quite common to feel that nobody cares about you.

You may start to doubt your worth, so it’s extra important to show yourself love and kindness by practicing self-care.

Self-care can be any activity or behavior you engage in that promotes good mental and physical health. Here are some examples of ways you can show yourself love:

• Get enough sleep. Healthy adults need at least 7-9 hours of sleep a day.
• Eat a healthy, balanced diet.
• Exercise regularly. Adults should get at least 2.5 hours of moderate-intensity exercise per week.
• Make time for relaxation, whatever that looks like for you. It could be meditation, reading, taking a warm bath or shower, or something else.
• Make time to do activities that bring you joy.

Self-care doesn’t just make you feel better, it builds your self-esteem, and gives you more confidence to reach for the next step in your wellbeing journey.

When there’s nobody to meet up with or nobody who you feel you’d have a good time with, then you may not have much motivation to leave the house. However, research consistently shows simply getting outside and, if possible, spending time in nature, has positive effects on how we’re feeling.

If there’s nobody for you to meet up with, it doesn’t mean you can’t still go out on your own. Simply being in nature has been shown to make us feel more connected, and getting out of the house can provide opportunities to connect with new people in an organic way. You never know who you may meet on a walk around your neighborhood.

If a significant event has contributed to your feelings of loneliness, then your normal routine has probably been interrupted in some way. For example, if you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship, you have probably lost the routine activities you used to share together.

Having a consistent routine gives us comfort and security. So when it suddenly stops or changes, you may feel disconnected, unstable, and lonely.

Creating a new routine can provide some comfort, help you manage negative emotions like loneliness, and develop resilience. When coming up with a daily schedule, make sure to include time for the following:

• Exercise
• Relaxation time
• Your hobbies
• Socialising.

When big feelings like loneliness come up, recognise and accept that they’re there (and that they’re normal), but then try and return your focus to the next thing in your schedule.

When you feel lonely and you’re overcome by intense emotions, it’s easy to get sucked into a spiral of negative thoughts. You may start to dread alone time because of the way it makes you think and feel.

But alone time doesn’t have to mean feeling lonely, particularly if you use it to do things you enjoy. Changing the way you view alone time and being intentional about how you spend it can be a good first step.

Here’s how:

• First, rather than judging yourself for being lonely and beating yourself up about it, acknowledge and accept these feelings. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel lonely and that everyone experiences loneliness from time to time.
• Then, make a list of some of the things you enjoy doing on your own - they might include reading, watching your favourite shows, cooking or anything else.

We often wear ‘masks’ to fit in with the environment we’re in. We’ll say “I’m fine, thanks” when asked how we are, say we did “nothing much” when talking about our weekend, or water down our true opinion when asked.

These masks are important - they keep us safe when we’re feeling vulnerable or unsure, and help us fit in when we’re somewhere new. But strong friendships and connections are built around authenticity. We feel valued as a person when we show someone who we really are, warts and all, and are still shown care, love and acceptance. Showing our true selves is also usually when our personalities light up and we become more interesting to others.

Gradually taking your mask off is an important step to forming closer relationships. You don’t have to do it all at once - it’s best to start with something small first, because it’s important to know the other person is going to treat our vulnerability with respect, and open up a little themselves too.

You might like to try sharing a little of how you’re really feeling the next time someone asks genuinely, or opening up about one of your passions or hobbies when someone asks about your weekend.

Celebrate the courage and bravery it took to share something that felt a little uncomfortable. And if the other person wasn’t interested, authentic, or respectful, don’t be discouraged! That’s on them, and you did your best to connect. Try again with someone else!

We like people who like us. One of the best ways to build relationships with new people is to put ourselves aside for a moment, and be genuinely curious about them and their lives. Showing an interest in other people will help you get to know them better, and almost always results in them showing more interest in you. You might like to ask someone:

• How do they like to spend a lazy Sunday morning?
• Who was their favourite teacher in school, and why?
• How’s their family doing at the moment?
• What’s their opinion on the latest changes at work/school/the community?
• What book/tv show/film/game has made them excited recently?

If you feel like your social skills could be better, the good news is that, like any other skills, you can improve them with practice. Everyone has a different level of comfort and capability when it comes to interacting with others, so try not to compare yourself to others - just focus on what you’d like to improve.

It’s a good idea to think about what specific goals you’d like to achieve. Whether it’s feeling comfortable making eye contact with a stranger, or trying to build a deeper relationship with someone you only know casually, there are lots of resources and advice out there that can help. Books and youtube videos are a great place to start.

Social skills don’t always come naturally, so there’s absolutely no shame in studying, learning and practicing (even in front of the mirror if you like).

Rewarding, long term relationships don’t happen on their own, and aren’t always easy. They take time, commitment, and compromise, because there’s always things that get in the way.

For instance, we might be too busy to organise time to see our friends, disagree with a colleague about politics, or perhaps our neighbour has an annoying habit that gets on our nerves.

Sometimes maintaining and building relationships means we have to make compromises. For instance, we might have to:

• Say ‘no’ to working overtime so we have time to hang out with friends
• Reach a compromise or acknowledge our colleague’s perspective, so we can still smile and move on afterwards
• Look past that annoying thing our neighbour does and remember we’re probably annoying ourselves sometimes too.

Prioritising people means recognising that we can’t always have everything we want. Sometimes it’s better to let something go, so that we get something much better in return - strong and rewarding friendships.

Volunteering is a great way to form new connections. Generally, volunteering takes time, teamwork and shared values - the perfect environment for friendships to form.

More than that, the act of giving to others releases chemicals in our brain that make us feel happier and more socially connected. When you become a volunteer, there’s also a strong chance that you’ll meet people with similar interests who you could build a meaningful relationship with. Even if you don’t, volunteering for a cause you care about can help create meaning and purpose in your life.

Think about a cause that strikes a chord for you. It could be cooking for those facing food insecurity, working with animals, spending time with the elderly, or anything else that matters to you - there are a huge variety of opportunities out there. You can search for volunteering opportunities in your local area through GoVolunteer or volunteering.com.au, or consider volunteering as a crisis supporter for Lifeline.

Feeling lonely can make it seem like other people don’t understand or relate to you. Sometimes connecting with the right people can make a big difference. It’s easier to develop new connections with people who share the same interests and values as you.

One way to find like-minded people who could become friends is to join a club or organisation that appeals to you. If you love running, join a running club or if you’re religious, visit a local church.

You might even like to have a look at what clubs or organisations are around you, and (with an open mind) you might even discover a new hobby or interest by getting involved.

Meetup.com and Facebook are two great resources for finding local in-person, and online groups to join. No matter what your interests are, you’ll be sure to find a group of people who are interested in the same thing as you. If joining an in-person group seems too intimidating, you could try an online group first instead.

Science has shown us that we’re naturally wired to feel connected to both:

• People we do favours for
• People who do favours for us.

Giving and receiving help from others usually puts a smile on our dial. It reminds us that most people are good, and every stranger could be a friend we just haven’t met yet. Putting some good out into the world through small acts of kindness can help start a connection. Even if it doesn’t, chances are it will make us feel good about ourselves, and connected to the world around us. You might like to try:

• Giving an unexpected compliment to someone
• Buying the coffee of the person behind you in line
• Writing a great review for a restaurant or shop you love
• Making a blood donation
• Donating something to your local op-shop
• Taking a box of chocolates to share with people at work
• Leaving a positive comment on someone’s social media post
• Having a conversation with a homeless person you pass
• Sending a thank you note to a teacher you appreciate, an old boss who helped you out, or someone else you learned something from
• Giving a little gift to your neighbour - some baked goods, a little plant or perhaps a compliment on a feature of their house.

If part of the reason you’re feeling lonely is that you find it hard to share your inner thoughts and feelings with others, then walking with a friend might help. Walking has proven useful in helping people to open up and connect on a deeper level. Psychologists have started using walking therapy as a supplement to traditional therapy because of how powerful it can be.

Here’s how walking with a friend may help you to open up and be more vulnerable:

• Walking releases endorphins that reduce stress and anxiety and make you feel relaxed. When you’re relaxed, it’s easier to open up.
• It can feel less intimidating to open up when you’re walking side by side versus sitting face to face and making direct eye-contact with someone.
• It’s likely that things in your environment will be interesting or jog past memories, and give you something to talk about.
• When you’re moving, more oxygen-rich blood flows to your brain so thinking flows more naturally.

If you’re feeling lonely because you lack companionship, then spending time with animals or getting your own pet might be a good option for you. Interacting with animals releases the same feel-good hormones that are released when interacting with another person.

Pets are a big, long-term commitment and responsibility, but have been shown to increase feelings of connectedness and companionship. If you’re considering getting a pet, make sure they fit your needs and circumstances.

If getting a pet is not something that makes sense for you right now , there are other options that allow you to interact with animals. For example, you could try volunteering at an animal shelter, foster a pet for a shorter period of time, or hang-out at a cat-cafe or dog park near you.

Therapy can be a helpful tool for some people to overcome loneliness. Therapy might be for you if you:

• Struggle with self-confidence or social anxiety
• Feel like something is holding you back from engaging with others
• Want to learn practical skills or techniques to help you build connections with others.

Finding the right time and space can help the other person feel more comfortable opening up.

• Pick a calm, relaxed moment: Bringing up loneliness when they’re feeling low or distracted might not help. Instead, wait for a time when they seem more at ease like during a meal or while walking.
• Find a comfortable space: A quiet, familiar place can help the other person feel at ease. Side-by-side conversations while driving, cooking, or walking can feel less intense than sitting face-to-face.
• Respect their privacy: Start the conversation in private to avoid putting them on the spot or making them feel pressured.

If the other person isn't ready to talk, that’s okay. What matters most is letting them know you’re there whenever they are. A gentle reminder like, ‘I’m here when you feel like talking,’ can be reassuring without adding pressure.

When someone opens up, your response matters. While it can be tempting to want to jump in with solutions, the best thing to do is use the C.A.R.E. Framework to guide your response:

• Connect: Create a safe, judgement-free space. Let them share without interrupting, and show you’re listening through your body language and tone.
• Ask: Reflect on what they’ve said and help them explore it further. You might say, ‘It sounds like you’ve been feeling quite isolated. How have you been coping with that?’
• Remind: Highlight their strengths and the resources available. You could say, ‘You’ve faced challenges before and come through them. There are also support services that can help.’
• Empower: Encourage small steps forward. Ask, ‘What’s one thing you’d like to focus on this week?’

You can learn more about the C.A.R.E. Framework and tips for talking to someone about their mental health by clicking here.

Empathy means sitting with someone in their experience and showing them they’re not alone. It’s about listening, validating, and creating space for them to share, even if you don’t have the perfect response.

In contrast, sympathy often involves trying to make someone feel better by offering reassurance or perspective, but it can unintentionally create distance. Responses like ‘At least you have...’ or ‘It could be worse’ might come from a caring place but can leave the other person feeling unheard.

Here are some examples to help show the difference:

• Sympathy: ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely, but it’ll be okay. Everyone feels like that sometimes.’
• Empathy: ‘That sounds really tough. Loneliness can feel overwhelming. I’m here to listen if you want to share more.’

For a powerful explanation of empathy, you can watch Brené Brown’s short video below.

• Start an open conversation: Instead of focusing on device use right away, ask how they’ve been feeling. You might say, ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time online lately. How are things going with your friends?’
• Explore what their online activity means to them: For many young people, online gaming or social media is a way to connect. Understanding why they’re drawn to it can help you respond with empathy rather than judgement.
• Encourage balance: Suggest activities that bring real-life connection like meeting a friend for a walk, joining a club, or spending time with family. Frame it as an invitation, not a demand: ‘Would you like to go for a walk with me? It might be nice to get out for a bit.’
• Help them identify safe social spaces: If they’re struggling to find connection, help them explore opportunities to meet others who share their interests. Local sports, arts programs, or community groups can be great places to start.
• Be a consistent presence: Knowing they have someone they can rely on makes a big difference. Even small actions like regular check-ins or inviting them to cook or run errands with you can help them feel less alone.
• Model healthy boundaries with technology: Show them what it looks like to take breaks from devices and prioritise real-life connection. You might say, ‘I’m putting my phone down for a bit. Do you want to help me with this project?’ You can click here to learn how to do a digital detox.
• Look for indirect ways to connect: Activities like cooking, walking, or playing a game together can feel less intense than a direct conversation and may encourage them to open up in their own time.
• Keep an eye on changes in behaviour: If they seem increasingly withdrawn, emotional, or distressed, consider reaching out for extra support from a trusted professional or service.

Even the smallest connection (online or offline) can help a young person feel less alone.

When someone is lonely, it’s easy to feel like you should fill the gap for them, but this can be overwhelming. It’s important to recognise that you can’t meet all their needs on your own.

• Be clear about what you can offer: You can say something like, ‘I really want to support you, but I also need some time to recharge. How about we check in tomorrow?’
• Know it’s okay to say no: Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re letting them down. It’s a way of protecting your energy so you can be more present when you’re able to help.
• Stick to your boundaries with kindness: You can be both firm and compassionate. For example, ‘I can’t talk right now, but I’m happy to catch up later this week.’

Boundaries not only help protect your wellbeing, but they can also encourage the person you care about to build other connections.

Supporting someone through loneliness can stir up a lot of emotions. You might feel sadness, guilt, frustration, or even resentment. All these feelings are valid. Taking time to process and release them can lighten your emotional load.

• Talk to someone you trust: Share how you’re feeling with a friend, family member, or support service. Speaking it out loud can help you feel heard and understood. Click here to learn more about talking to someone you trust.
• Write it down: Journaling can be a powerful way to process your thoughts and reflect on your experiences. Click here to learn more about journaling and discover prompts to get started.
• Be kind to yourself: Remind yourself that supporting someone isn’t easy. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. Give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling without judgement and to prioritise and practise self-care.

It’s essential to step back and take breaks when you need them. Caring for someone who’s lonely can take a toll, especially if they lean heavily on you for emotional support. Regular breaks help prevent burnout and allow you to offer more genuine care.

• Schedule time for yourself: Build regular moments of self-care into your week, whether it’s a walk, coffee with a friend, or 10 quiet minutes to breathe and reset
• Do something that energises you: Think about what makes you feel calm or refreshed. It could be reading, spending time in nature, listening to music, or cooking a favourite meal.
• Notice signs of emotional fatigue: If you’re feeling irritable, emotionally drained, or physically exhausted, it’s a sign to pause and give yourself some care.